As crossdressers and transwomen we all have our insecurities.
One of my biggest insecurities is my upper body. I work out and stay in shape. I have a low body fat percentage and defined biceps, triceps and shoulders. In the past I have only done my dressing up in fall/winter months so I could get away with wearing sleeves and layers. But now with the warmer months coming up, I won’t be able to get away with the sleeves and layers much longer. Eventually I’ll have to wear short sleeves/sleeveless tops and dresses and it does make me a bit uncomfortable.
I am only 157 pounds at 6 feet tall. Compared to other men, I am not bulky. I don’t have Arnold Schwarznegger arms. I do have a low body fat percentage though, which means I don’t have a lot of fat to smooth my arms and shoulders out, meaning my muscles are defined and my veins/vascularity are exposed. Combined with typical broader male shoulders its harder to sell as feminine. I know that female body builders exist and women with broad shoulders exist, but how many of them have the whole package?
In my first period of crossdressing from November 2014-February 2015, I did wear sleeveless tops/tank tops/short sleeves. But I did a lot of my dressing in private, and only went out in public once wearing a sleeveless top. Despite being nearly 60 pounds heavier at the time, I was able to get away with it because I had so much more fat that it was able to soften up my arms and shoulders.
Unfortunately there isn’t much I can do other than just suck it up and deal with it and let the chips fall where they may. I’ll probably start by wearing short sleeve tops. It may be a bit difficult because I doubt the female sleeve widths are cut in a manner to accommodate the circumference of male arms, but at least my shoulders won’t be exposed, and tactics like using a V-Neck and necklace can draw attention away from the shoulders. The thing is I really like the look of sleeveless tops and tank tops. I want to make it work for me.
One thing I refuse to do is stop lifting weights and purposely try to lose muscle. No way. I’ve worked very hard to get my body composition where its at and my strength levels to where they are. I am not going to sacrifice all of that and throw it away just because I dress up as a woman once a week. This is something I addressed in a blog post I made back in 2016. That I felt like I was having to sacrifice too much of my male life just for the sake of my dressing up once or twice a week. I refuse to do that.
Another thing I am insecure about is my jaw. You can do all the contouring you want, but its hard to hide a male jaw even with that. Especially when I smile. I feel like my facial shape is fine apart from my jaw. For the same reason I am insecure about my side profile and nose. Straight on my profile and face isn’t bad. But from the side it really brings out my jawline and masculine nose and I don’t think it is passable at all even in pictures. You can contour your nose to slim it from the front but you can’t do that from the side. Again, having low body fat works against me with my jaw since I don’t have fat to smooth it out, so the male angularity of my jawline is on full display. A sharp, defined jawline is a great feature to have as a guy, not so much as a girl.
Lastly I am insecure about my height. It’s a good thing to be over 6 feet tall as a guy, but as a crossdresser its just another thing working against you. It’s why I don’t really wear heels, even though I like the style and fashion of heels. Flats for life.
I also have insecurities in male mode. When I am shaven after having dressed up, I am insecure about my lack of facial hair and thinner eyebrows. No one notices but I don’t think I look as attractive as a man without my facial hair and thicker eyebrows.
With my insecurities, I do have things to be proud of. First off my body. Since I am in shape with little body fat, I have a slender torso and figure with a thigh gap. I have a defined waist under 30 inches. I don’t have a beer belly protruding out and I can look slim in tighter fitting tops and dresses. It also allows me to easily be able to fit into women’s clothing with room to spare. My shoe size of 10 means I can find women’s shoes in my size in stores.
I do have a female voice that isn’t bad at all. I am not comfortable yet speaking in it on a YouTube video, but I have used it in public. I’ve also used it on Skype sessions and have had people tell me its very passable. I don’t have the deepest voice as a man, so I don’t have to practice very much. The lack of deep voice also means I don’t really have a prominent Adam’s Apple.
Despite being tall and musclar, at least I have a small overall frame. My ribcage isn’t very wide.
Overall, while I do have insecurities, I also have a lot to be thankful for as well. My goal is to make sure I have the best of both worlds as both a guy and as a girl and to try and thread that needle.